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ABCs of Saints Row

452 October 31, 2014 User blog:452

Because the content of Saints Row is so kid-friendly, there is an unreleased Saints Row children's book, The ABCs of Saints Row, complete with a "Saint's Row"-style misplaced apostrophe in the title, which I refuse to replicate, because while naming the game "Saints Row" and naming the District "Saint's Row" may be a valid, albeit unexplained, stylistic choice, putting an apostrophe in "ABC's" is just plain wrong.

  • Title page
  • A is for Angel, a man with no mask.
  • B is for Burt, like you had to ask?!
  • C is for Carlos who died 'fore his time
  • D is for Dane, an exec in his prime.
  • E is for Escort, have to keep those girls safe.
  • F is for Friendly Fire TM, selling weapons that strafe
  • G is for Genki, Reality Climax for all!
  • H is for Homies, always there when you call
  • I is for Insurance Fraud, make cash when you trip
  • J is for Johnny, our beloved friend (RIP)
  • K is for Kinzie, the hacker who loves kink.
  • L is for Luchadores, they're crazed, on the brink
  • M is for Matt Miller the little Brit Decker
  • N is for Nyte Blayde, who's played by a pecker
  • O is for Oleg, chess playing's his game
  • P got redacted, it caused too much shame.
  • Q is for Quota, SR3 cut this feature.
  • R is for Ronin, they murdered Aisha
  • S is for Saints, the kids from the Third.
  • T is for Tea Cup, what's your safe word?
  • U is for Ultor, they're big corporate dicks
  • V is for Valderamma, she's live on News 6
  • W is for Washington, Pierce loves getting paid.
  • X is for this guy, the foe of Nyte Blayde
  • Y is for Yarnie, a big ball of fun!
  • Z is for Zinyak, alien overlord #1!

I think it's interesting that this includes both Zinyak, and a reference to Gat being dead, further evidence Gat's death was retconned, and that it was not always planned that he was abducted.

It also includes Oleg and Josh, without mentioning their (apparent) deaths, so perhaps that was not always planned either.

Highlighting the Quota is strange, apparently Volition must think that removing content from sequels is funny.

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