Saints Row Wiki
Register
Advertisement
Christmas Text Adventures Cover and Contents

The main menu.

Christmas Text Adventures are collectibles in the How the Saints Save Christmas DLC for Saints Row IV.

Overview[]

The Christmas Text Adventures are similar to the regular Text Adventures. Except that they were written by Future Shaundi,[1][2][3] and tell the story of an "alternate" timeline set after the events of Saints Row IV in which a "Christmas-hating" warlord called Clawz takes over the Earth, ruins Christmas, defeats the 3rd Street Saints, and forces Earth's inhabitants into slave labor.[4][5][6][7] The focus is primarily on how the survivors come up with a plan to stop him, building up to the events of How the Saints Save Christmas.[4]

Image Section

Holidays Past And Present[]

Christmas Text Adventures - Holidays Past And Present - opening START

When I was a child, Christmas was my favorite day of the year. My family was always crazy busy with work and school but, when December 25th rolled around, it was all about family. Just us, some music, snow on the ground, and a tree that reached the ceiling. It was magic.

Christmas Text Adventures - Holidays Past And Present - first choice CONTINUE

As I got older, the holiday became less and less special. My siblings went away, my parents broke up, but I always held Christmas in my heart. I believed in Santa. I needed Santa. Little did I know that Santa...

WASN'T REAL

Are you crazy? Santa is too real.

WAS DEAD

What? No way. Santa can't die. Duh, he's an *elf*.

Christmas Text Adventures - Holidays Past And Present - Had Been Kidnapped HAD BEEN KIDNAPPED

No one knew at first. The Christmas Spirit was so strong that everything at the North Pole just kept on going as if nothing happened. Of course, the elves and Mrs. Claus knew Santa was gone but they also knew that the world must never know.

Christmas Text Adventures - Holidays Past And Present - second choice CONTINUE

If the people of Earth learned Santa was in trouble - in true mortal peril, what would raise their spirits during dark times? What would Christmas mean anymore? And so it was that Santa's closest friend, an elf named Twinkle, took over Kringle's annual route and no one was the wiser. Until...

TWINKLE LOST AN EYE

What's the deal with everyone's obsession over people losing eyes?

MRS. CLAUS TOOK OVER GIFT DELIVERY

Mary had her hands full overseeing every other aspect of the operation. The last thing she wanted to do was deliver the presents too. Plus, she's allergic to reindeer dander.

Christmas Text Adventures - Holidays Past And Present - A Strange Visitor Arrived One Day A STRANGE VISITOR ARRIVED ONE DAY

The elves had toiled tirelessly without Santa for decades, constantly worrying about their beloved patriarch and eagerly awaiting some good news about the jolly old elf, so the arrival of a visitor piqued everyone's interest.

Christmas Text Adventures - Holidays Past And Present - third choice CONTINUE

This visitor, with his shimmering eyes and long white beard, would have been a dead ringer for St. Nick in his early years - before all those dinners of milk and cookies led to his considerable paunch - but this was no merry elf. No, this was...

KRAMPUS

I'm afraid Krampus and Santa stopped speaking centuries ago. No one knows the specifics but Mrs. Claus bets it had to do with their semi-annual card game. Apparently, Nick is a bit of a sore loser when it comes to Texas Hold 'Em.

SANTA'S BROTHER, TERRY

Terry Claus? Is that supposed to be some kind of pun?

Christmas Text Adventures - Holidays Past And Present - Something Else SOMETHING ELSE

Well, obviously. But, really, that's as good a description as any. The visitor who came was a mangled and angry spirit who hated everything about holidays and cheer and snow and elves and reindeer and stockings and core synergistic initiatives to streamline toy production without resulting in outsourcing domestic jobs to politically lopsided countries with lax labor laws.

Christmas Text Adventures - Holidays Past And Present - fourth choice CONTINUE

He called himself Clawz. We had no idea at the time that this dark monstrosity was ripped right from Santa's brain. That St. Nick's captor, an alien overlord named Zinyak, was breaking Santa's mind, piece by piece. Zinyak had taken everything good in Kringle, crumpled it up, spat on it, and dipped it in evil. The result was Clawz, Santa's dark shadow. Zinyak had sent Clawz to the North Pole:

TO GET THE LEGIONS OF THE ZIN EMPIRE SOMETHING NICE FOR CHRISTMAS

Hardly.

BY MISTAKE

*sigh* Can you at least try to be serious?

Christmas Text Adventures - Holidays Past And Present - To Destroy The Holidays TO DESTROY THE HOLIDAYS

And he was successful. Christmas fell. The North Pole burned. And as the joy drained from the season, the spirit of the world turned as to sackcloth. But that is a different story.

TO BE CONTINUED...

The Rise Of Clawz[]

Christmas Text Adventures - The Rise Of Clawz - first choice START

The assault on the North Pole was swift and brutal. The elves mounted a valiant resistance but, with no Santa to give them the holiday boost they needed, even they knew they ultimately could not win. It didn't help matters any that Santa's most trusted elf, and the one who had taken over gift-giving duties in his absence, had been persuaded to Clawz's side. I am, of course, talking about?

TURTLE

Turtle? What kind of name is that for an elf? A pixie, maybe, but an elf?

TEACUP

No, she was let go following a workplace "incident."

Christmas Text Adventures - The Rise Of Clawz - Twinkle TWINKLE

If there's one bright spot to Santa's incarceration by Zinyak, it's that the jolly old elf didn't have to see his best friend in the world turn against him in the holiday's darkest hour. Santa would have been shattered.

Christmas Text Adventures - The Rise Of Clawz - second choice CONTINUE

I wish I could tell you that Clawz had coerced, threatened, or bullied Twinkle into allying with the foul creature's plan, but the truth was far pettier than that. Twinkle was simply tired of being the replacement Santa. The elf took to Clawz's cause with gusto. It was a dark time. Worst still, was that Twinkle knew Christmas's one true weakness. He knew the one thing that would irreparably turn the tide against Mrs. Claus and the elf resistance:

MARY'S CHRISTMAS COOKIE RECIPE

The secret ingredient is love. And bourbon.

THE COMBO TO SANTA'S SAFE

It's 1-2-2-5. Nobody's surprised by that, right?

Christmas Text Adventures - The Rise Of Clawz - The North Pole THE NORTH POLE

The source of Santa's power and the most potent weapon in the elven arsenal. Crafted by the shop's most-talented elves and blessed by Father Christmas himself, the North Pole is a weapon capable of channeling holiday cheer into a blast of such high intensity it can level a large city in a mushroom cloud of concentrated happiness. It also smells faintly like peppermint.

Christmas Text Adventures - The Rise Of Clawz - third choice CONTINUE

But no one - not Mary, not Santa, not even Blitzen on one of his drinking binges - would dare unleash its power. If the North Pole fell into Twinkle's hands - into Clawz's hands - then all would be lost. Clawz unleashed a full-on assault. His army was unstoppable. The first to fall were:

THE SNOWMAN GRENADIERS

The snowmen are not allowed to carry weapons. It only causes problems.

THE CIDER BOYS ELVEN MILITIA

The subject of a short-lived reality show on WELF, the Cider Boys Elven Militia never could do much of anything right.

Christmas Text Adventures - The Rise Of Clawz - The Flying Reindeer THE FLYING REINDEER

You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen? They were the first to die. Clawz and his evil army put their heads on pikes and paraded them around the workshop. It wasn't long after that, as I would later learn, that Clawz built his team of mechanical creatures: the RoboDeer.

Christmas Text Adventures - The Rise Of Clawz - fourth choice CONTINUE

It wasn't long before the elf resistance - and all of Christmas - was in shambles. Clawz locked Mary away on a remote ice floe and claimed the North Pole for his own. But he was unable to wield it - because it relied on the power of giving, even if it was a WMD. But it didn't matter, for Clawz was in charge now. The sky over the workshop darkened and Twinkle, that traitor, became a slavedriver. The only hope the world had was:

A GROUP OF WACKY TEENAGERS

*sigh* No.

TO SING A SONG AROUND A CHRISTMAS TREE

I'm glad you're able to joke during a time like this.

Christmas Text Adventures - The Rise Of Clawz - A Renegade Elf A RENEGADE ELF

Tinsel was his name. This lone elf managed to break off from the others and escape the ever-watching eye of Twinkle and Clawz. Tinsel went to find help, to turn back time if necessary, in order to save the holidays. And he would find it. But not before the entire world got put on the Naughty List.

TO BE CONTINUED...

A Christmas Peril[]

Christmas Text Adventures - A Christmas Peril - first choice Part 1


Christmas Text Adventures - A Christmas Peril - The Production Of Dangerous Toys Part 2


Christmas Text Adventures - A Christmas Peril - second choice Part 3


Christmas Text Adventures - A Christmas Peril - People Who Don't Believe In Christmas Part 4


Christmas Text Adventures - A Christmas Peril - People Who Don't Believe In Christmas continued Part 5


Christmas Text Adventures - A Christmas Peril - third choice Part 6


Christmas Text Adventures - A Christmas Peril - Eternal Torment And Pain Part 7


Christmas Text Adventures - A Christmas Peril - fourth choice Part 8


Christmas Text Adventures - A Christmas Peril - Turn Into His Special Soldiers Part 9


Christmas Text Adventures - A Christmas Peril - ending Part 10


A Full-Frosted Assault[]

Christmas Text Adventure - A Full-Frosted Assault - opening Part 1


Christmas Text Adventure 4.2 Choice Part 2


Christmas Text Adventure 4.3 New Year's Eve Part 3


Christmas Text Adventure - A Full-Frosted Assault - first choice Part 4


Christmas Text Adventure - A Full-Frosted Assault - An Army Of Children Part 5


Christmas Text Adventure - A Full-Frosted Assault - second choice Part 6


Christmas Text Adventure - A Full-Frosted Assault - A Rogue Elf - third choice Part 7


Christmas Text Adventure - A Full-Frosted Assault - The Saints Part 8


Tinsel[]

Christmas Text Adventures - Tinsel - opening Part 1


Christmas Text Adventures - Tinsel - first choice Part 2


Christmas Text Adventures - Tinsel - Assemble The Crew Part 3


Christmas Text Adventures - Tinsel - second choice Part 4


Christmas Text Adventures - Tinsel - The Boss Part 5


Christmas Text Adventures - Tinsel - third choice Part 6


Christmas Text Adventures - Tinsel - But They Didn't Part 7


Christmas Text Adventures - Tinsel - fourth choice Part 8


Christmas Text Adventures - Tinsel - That Will Be Told In The Next Text Adventure Segment Part 9

Operation Holiday Hustle[]

Christmas Text Adventures - Operation Holiday Hustle - first choice Part 1
Christmas Text Adventures - Operation Holiday Hustle - Hitting Enough People With It - second choice Part 2
Christmas Text Adventures - Operation Holiday Hustle - Cropdusting Part 3
Christmas Text Adventures - Operation Holiday Hustle - third choice Part 4
Christmas Text Adventures - Operation Holiday Hustle - Clawz's Forces Attacked Us Part 5
Christmas Text Adventures - Operation Holiday Hustle - fourth choice Part 6
Christmas Text Adventures - Operation Holiday Hustle - Clawz Won Part 7
Christmas Text Adventures - Operation Holiday Hustle - Clawz Won continued Part 8
Christmas Text Adventures - Operation Holiday Hustle - ending Part 9

Last Ditch Effort[]

Christmas Text Adventures - Last Ditch Effort - opening Part 1
Christmas Text Adventures - Last Ditch Effort - first choice Part 2
Christmas Text Adventures - Last Ditch Effort - That Taskmaster Twinkle - second choice Part 3
Christmas Text Adventures - Last Ditch Effort - Lead A Worker Uprising Part 4
Christmas Text Adventures - Last Ditch Effort - third choice Part 5
Christmas Text Adventures - Last Ditch Effort - Taking Out Twinkle Part 6
Christmas Text Adventures - Last Ditch Effort - Taking Out Twinkle continued Part 7
Christmas Text Adventures - Last Ditch Effort - Taking Out Twinkle second continued Part 8
Christmas Text Adventures - Last Ditch Effort - fourth choice Part 9
Christmas Text Adventures - Last Ditch Effort - Zinyak's Time Machine Part 10
Christmas Text Adventures - Last Ditch Effort - Zinyak's Time Machine continued Part 11
Christmas Text Adventures - Last Ditch Effort - Zinyak's Time Machine second continued Part 12
Christmas Text Adventures - Last Ditch Effort - ending Part 13

The Future[]

Christmas Text Adventures - The Future - opening Part 1
Christmas Text Adventures - The Future - first choice Part 2
Christmas Text Adventures - The Future - The Museum Was Closed For The Holidays Part 3
Christmas Text Adventures - The Future - second choice Part 4
Christmas Text Adventures - The Future - Johnny's Part 5
Christmas Text Adventures - The Future - third choice Part 6
Christmas Text Adventures - The Future - Kinzie's Part 7
Christmas Text Adventures - The Future - fourth choice Part 8
Christmas Text Adventures - The Future - My Place Part 9
Christmas Text Adventures - The Future - My Place continued Part 10
Christmas Text Adventures - The Future - fifth choice Part 11
Christmas Text Adventures - The Future - The Door Opened Part 12
Christmas Text Adventures - The Future - The Door Opened continued Part 13
Christmas Text Adventures - The Future - The Door Opened second continued Part 14
Christmas Text Adventures - The Future - The Door Opened third continued Part 15
Christmas Text Adventures - The Future - ending Part 16

Trivia[]

  • In Future Shaundi's timeline, Johnny Gat gets killed for "real". A traitorous elf named Twinkle, who was working for Clawz, shoots an RPG at him from near-point-blank range.[8]
    • Playa would also be held captive in Clawz's office while the Saints were working in the mines,[7] and would later be taken by Clawz when he goes to take over the rest of the universe.[9]
  • Future Shaundi's injuries and cybernetic implants were a result of Twinkle and friendly fire during combat against RoboRudolph:
    • Twinkle ripped off Shaundi's arm just before killing Johnny.[10][8] Shaundi's cybernetic arm was implanted under Twinkle's behest to make her work in the mines,[7] although Shaundi would later use her cybernetic arm in killing Twinkle.[11]
    • Shaundi's eye was shoot out by her Crimson Cowboy while fighting RoboRudolph when the pellet ricocheted back at her,[12][13] and would later get a cybernetic eye implanted made from parts that came from RoboRudolph.[14]
  • According to Future Shaundi, Clawz was created from Santa by Zinyak. Born in The Simulation, grown in The Simulation, made evil by The Simulation, and given both life and power by The Simulation. Then sent by Zinyak personally to destroy the North Pole.[5]
    • It is unknown how Zinyak had managed to kidnap Santa. All that's mentioned is that one day... Santa just disappeared.[15]
    • It is also unknown how Zinyak (in the alternate timeline) was able to bring Clawz out of Santa's mind in The Simulation and give him a physical form in the real world with which he could use to destroy the North Pole and take control of the Earth. All that's mentioned is that he "did".[5]
  • Thanks to Future Shaundi's help in How the Saints Save Christmas, Santa is released from his Simulation in the present-day Saints timeline, and the future was "rewritten". As a result, upon returning to her own time via time travel, Future Shaundi discovers that Playa was saved and Johnny Gat was alive[16], and that she's no longer the only Shaundi in existence anymore.[17]
    • This "other" Future Shaundi is not seen, but she is described as having short hair and "no" cybernetic implants or limbs. Kinzie explains that they started an alternate timeline and that the other Shaundi never had to deal with Clawz and Twinkle, which would explain why she has no cybernetic limbs.[17][18]

Gallery[]

[[File:{{#|:|thumb|x200px|left]]
Christmas Text Adventures Cover and Contents

Christmas Text Adventures - A World without Christmas Cover and Contents

Ui col xmas txt adv title

Christmas Text Adventures title


References[]


Advertisement