Marked: ?. Minimum kills: ?
- Hippies mourn loss of drug farm
- — Stilwater Gazette newspaper headline
Laura meets The Protagonist and Shaundi in the Saints Hideout and explains that making Loa Dust won't be a problem - she'll give the recipe to Shaundi. Shaundi remembers that she once dated a guy who used to sell for the Sons of Samedi and that he once mentioned they used to grow "all their shit" on a farm near campus. The Protagonist decides to burn the farm down and cripple the Sons of Samedi's drug production, but Laura is one step ahead and phones her husband, Tobias, who is a helicopter pilot.
After Tobias and The Protagonist raze the farm and kill several lieutenants, The General and Mr. Sunshine drop in on Veteran Child at a music store. As Veteran Child was the person who told Shaundi the location of the drug farm, The General demands that he deal with the 3rd Street Saints, or else Mr. Sunshine will burn him alive.
The following text has been transcribed verbatim from the game files.
Upon completion of the mission, it is available in-game at Newspaper Clipboards.
- Destroy the farm equipment
Shoot and destroy six pieces of equipment located on the farm:
- Chemical storage tank
- Chemical depot
- Fertilizer truck
- Fuel truck
Tobias circles the farm until all equipment is destroyed. Although some of the Sons of Samedi located on the farm have RPG Launchers, the Side Shooter can take a fair amount of damage, so ignore them and prioritize the equipment when they come into view. There are strategically placed barrels located around the farm - destroy them when the enemies gather around and there is nothing else to shoot at.
- Kill the Samedi Lieutenants before they get away
Afterwards, two vehicles filled with lieutenants try to escape. Tobias flies alongside them, so shoot at the vehicles until they both explode. Another two vehicles show up after crossing the bridge and reaching campus; shoot these until they explode too. Despite being open-top vehicles, the drivers here cannot be killed by shooting them - the whole car must be destroyed. The mission ends when all four vehicles have been destroyed.
- Cash: $2,000
- Respect: None
- Neighborhood: Pleasant View
- Mission: Veteran Child
- Stronghold: Stilwater University Student Union
- Vehicle: News Helicopter (Oppressor)
- Homie: Tobias
- Tobias is not automatically recruited as a Homie but can be recruited by pressing the Recruit button.
- Dismissing him once recruited has no effect.
- The helicopter used in this mission is a Side Shooter - a helicopter with a similar appearance to the Oppressor, but has a more detailed interior and lacks a tail. The helicopter only appears in this mission and "Waste Not Want Not".
- The Septic Avenger on the farm is a normal variant, but it is likely that it was originally intended to be the otherwise unobtainable Samedi Poo variant.
- Individual occupants of the vehicles holding the Sons of Samedi lieutenants cannot be killed; the whole vehicle must be destroyed.
- The CD that Mr. Sunshine gives back to Veteran Child in the "Music Lovers" cutscene is "The Other Six" by Aisha.
- It is impossible to lose fleeing lieutenants out of sight - they continue driving around Sommerset until their vehicles are destroyed.
"Life On The Farm" cutsceneEdit
- Laura: "Hello..."
The Protagonist: "Glad you could make it."
Laura: "Ya know a nice robin egg blue would really spruce this place up..."
Shaundi: "I was thinking more of an avocado..."
The Protagonist: "Hey, can we, ya know, talk about the Loa Dust already?"
Laura: "Right, sorry."
Laura: "That stuff is very sophisticated...I won't bore you with all the details like acetone and trichloroethane, but there is definitely some very good pot in there."
The Protagonist: "As long as we can make the shit, it could have embalming fluid in it for all I care..."
Laura: "Making it won't be a problem, I'll give the recipe to Shaundi."
The Protagonist: "Now all we gotta do is stop those fuckers from producing any more."
Shaundi: "Well seeing as they're turning out so much product they'd need a-oh my god I'm an idiot."
The Protagonist: "What's up?"
Shaundi: "I...in college I dated this guy who would sell for the Sons, and he mentioned that they used to grow all their shit on a farm off campus."
The Protagonist: "And this is coming up for the first time, why?"
Shaundi: "I forgot?"
The Protagonist: "You're right, you are an idiot..."
Shaundi: "Hey!"Shaundi: "Where are you going?"The Protagonist: "Thanks for your help Laura"
The Protagonist (Male 2): "Thanks for your help, Laura."
The Protagonist: "I got a farm to burn down."
Shaundi: "We can't just charge into that place."
Laura: "You don't have to."
The Protagonist: "Whaddya mean?"
Laura: "Tobias is outside in the car, he's got a pilot's license, why don't you just have him fly you over the farm?"
The Protagonist: "You gotta be kidding me."Tobias walks inTobias: "Does it look I'm joking?"
- — "Life On The Farm" cutscene
- Tobias: "I gotta tell ya, destroying this much product just feels wrong."Tobias: "I never thought of it that way...say Laura and I's anniversary is comin' up you got any ideas?"The Protagonist (Male Voice 1): "Tobias, these assholes are stealin' your business, you think they're givin' you any professional courtesy?"
The Protagonist (Male Voice 2): "Look on the bright side, at least you and Laura get to corner the market..."
The Protagonist (Male Voice 3): "Trust me, you'll get over it..."
The Protagonist (Female Voice 1): "Tobias, these guys wouldn't think twice about killing you and Laura...trust me, it's better this way..."
The Protagonist (Female Voice 2): "You really havea dealer code of ethics? These guys want you dead..."
The Protagonist (Female Voice 3): "Seeing as these guys want me dead, I don't really care about professional courtesy..."The Protagonist (Male Voice 1): "You're asking the wrong guy..I'd say either a QP or an Aisha CD."
The Protagonist (Male Voice 2): "Knowing Laura I'd say either a baking pan or an automatic shotgun..."
The Protagonist (Male Voice 3): "If I were you I'd start looking for a needle sterilization kit...or a cookbook."
The Protagonist (Female Voice 1): "Take her on vacation to Columbia...do a lotta coke..."
The Protagonist (Female Voice 2): "Give her something romantic...massage oil, some bath beads, maybe throw in a mirror and a razor blade..."
The Protagonist (Female Voice 3): "You know what women love? Diamonds and pot. Stick with that and you'll be fine..."
- That barn looked a lot less flamable from the outside...
- — Tobias, after destroying some equipment
- Tobias: "Looks like some of the Samedi are tryin' to make a run for it..."The Protagonist (Male Voice 1): "Take me in closer, I'll take those assholes out..."
The Protagonist (Male Voice 2): "They're not gonna get very far...fly me in close..."
The Protagonist (Male Voice 3): "You get me in close and those assholes aren't goin' anywhere..."
The Protagonist (Female Voice 1): "Fly me in close, I can take 'em out..."
The Protagonist (Female Voice 2): "Not for long -- bring us in low..."
The Protagonist (Female Voice 3): "You get me close enough and I can take care of 'em..."
- — After destroying all of the equipment
- Tobias: "BURN MOTHER FUCKER!"
Tobias: "We should do this every weekend..."
Tobias: "I love my job..."
Tobias: "crazed laughter"
Tobias: "This reminds me of Laura and I's first date..."
Tobias: "They hate it when you do that..."
Tobias: "God I love your work..."
Tobias: "YOU WANNA FUCK WITH US!"
Tobias: "YOU'RE ALL COGS IN THE MACHINE!"
- — After attacking
- Tobias: "You mind making sure we don't crash?"
Tobias: "It's a little hard to fly this thing when it's filled with FUCKING BULLETS!"
Tobias: "This isn't going too well..."
Tobias: "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
Tobias: "QUIT FUCKING AROUND AND KILL THEM!"
Tobias: "This really could be going better..."
- — After taking damage
- Well that was oddly cathartic...
- — Tobias congratulates The Protagonist
"Music Lovers" cutsceneEdit
- The General and Mr. Sunshine barge into the music store.Mr. Sunshine: "Everybody get out!"They just continue listening to music.The General: "Perhaps they did not understand you..."Mr. Sunshine kills a customer with his machete, causing everyone to run out, except Veteran Child.Veteran Child: "What's, uh, what's up guys?"
The General: "The Saints razed my farm."
Veteran Child: "That's, uh, that's some shitty luck."
The General: "A helicopter mounted machine gun has nothing to do with luck."
Veteran Child: "Well how- Yo, can you cut that shit out? You're freakin' me out. How did they find out about the farm?"
The General: "Why don't you tell me..."
Veteran Child: "I don't know wh-"
The General: "Stop lying."
Veteran Child: "Dude, I said I don-"
Mr. Sunshine: "And he said, "Stop. Lying.""
Veteran Child: "I'm tellin' you the truth man, I don't know how they found out..."
The General: "Then you are not very useful are you?"
Veteran Child: "I don't know how they found out, but I got some ideas..."
The General: "Enlighten me..."
Veteran Child: "I used to date this bitch Shaundi...and there's a chance, and I mean a small fuckin' chance...that I might have gotten stoned and told her about the farm."
The General: "Where is this Shaundi?"
Veteran Child: "Word is she rolls with the Saints now..."
The General: "Let him go..."
The General: "Veteran Child, you will go kill this Shaundi...if you fail to do this Mr. Sunshine will burn you alive. Does this sound fair?"
Veteran Child: "Uh-"
The General: "Excellent...let's be on our way."
- — "Music Lovers" cutscene