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"http://deckers.die" is a mission in Saints Row: The Third.

Matt Miller: "Don't you get it? I'm God here."
Playa: "That's just fine. In the real world you're just a bitch with a keyboard."
Matt Miller and Playa, during their final confrontation in the Decker Use-Net.

Overview[]

Now in possession of both the supercomputer and NEMO Chair, the Saints are now ready to finish the Deckers. Kinzie Kensington has Playa invade the Deckers Use-Net and corrupt it from inside. Playa heads further and further inside and, despite facing extremely heavy resistance from the Deckers, eventually reaches Matt Miller. The two fight through the use of their avatars and ultimately Playa emerges victorious.

Miller pleads for his life, offering to set Playa as a high-priority client for Rim Jobs or Friendly Fire, allowing them discounts on either Vehicle Customization or Weapon Upgrades respectively. Playa allows Miller to walk away after making their choice.

At 3 Count Casino, a nervous Miller informs Killbane of his decision to leave Steelport and The Syndicate, recalling the fate of Kiki DeWynter when she tried to leave The Syndicate in the presence of Killbane.[3] Surprisingly, Killbane grants Miller his wishes, stating that Miller can "list [Killbane] as a reference, anytime".

Gameplay[]

Deckers Die
Go to Kinzie's Hideout
Move through the data
Get to the firewall

Once inside the Deckers Use-Net, Playa's avatar is a toilet. Listen to the conversation and head on until the avatar becomes a sex doll. Continue ever onwards and eventually Playa's avatar is visually fixed; and the Cyber Buster is equipped. The Cyber Buster has two fire modes, either firing in quick succession or charging to instantly kill almost any enemy. Follow the path and kill any Deckers that present themselves, making use of cover if health gets too low. Before reaching the firewall, players must traverse a maze of sorts which homes Decker Specialist. Matt Miller physically slows down Playa's speed here, marked by an icon of a snail on-screen. Killing the enemies here is not completely necessary; once near the exit, players can simply run to the firewall to initiate the next part of the mission.

Survive the text adventure

There is a short text adventure in which the goal is to kill a unicorn and avoid being killed by flagstones. There is no penalty for failure, and readers of this wiki can also play along, but for those wanting to speed through the mission, the correct order for solving the text adventure is: Take Torch, Keep Walking, Keep Walking, Kill the Unicorn.

Get to the anti-virus

Now, head onwards to the anti-virus, again killing the Deckers along the way.

Kill all Deckers

Once there, there is another group of Deckers while Miller bombards Playa with data, in effect "lagging" the player, which is marked by an icon of an hourglass onscreen. The most effective way to clear this area out is to try to keep still and use fully charged shots.

Deckers Die ASP

This section of gameplay, where players control an ASP, is a reference to Atari's 1974 video game Tank.

Seek and destroy enemy tanks

Once they're all dead, the screen fades to black and Playa is teleported into a blue ASP, and the objective is to destroy a green tank. Once the player has adjusted to the controls, a full on assault is the best way to stop the other tank.

Get to the Internet security

When it's destroyed, Playa's avatar is once again a sex doll, but they have still retained their Cyber Buster. Head on through to Internet security, fighting yet more Deckers along the way, and fight another group of Deckers at the top.

Kill all Deckers

Once again, Miller affects Playa; this time by reversing the directional controls, marked by an onscreen icon of two controllers, one hollow and upside down.

Debug the error screen[4]

With the Deckers all dead and the brief error screen dismissed, head on upwards towards the final fight against Matt Miller.

Destroy Matt Miller's avatar

Miller comes in the form of a dragon avatar. Keep using charged shots on Miller and avoid his physical attacks; he also attacks by using his previous effects on Playa, as well as a new one which temporarily effectively stops the Cyber Buster, marked onscreen by a water pistol. After he loses 25% of his health, avoid his strike and rip off his wings by rapidly pushing the buttons shown onscreen. At 50% health, again head towards him to deal some damage (similar to performing a finisher on a Brute). After losing 75% of his health, Miller flees and Kinzie upgrades Playa's avatar to that of Miller's dragon.

Deckers Die dragon avatar

Playa attacks the Deckers using the same avatar as Matt Miller.

Kill all Deckers

As a dragon, players can use the Shockwave, Sword Swipe, Dash, and Flame Breath attacks. Using the Behemoth sword, deal with the multitude of Deckers which show up (they are very easily dealt with and the player can accrue a large amount of Respect).

Destroy Matt Miller's avatar

Miller eventually returns with his health fully restored. Stay on the offensive and he should be easily defeated.

Choose company

Finally, make the choice on which company to gain a permanent discount on all future purchases to complete this long mission.

Choice[]

See also: Choices
Choice Reward
Take Over A Vehicle Manufacturer 50% cost reduction on Vehicle Customization
Take Over A Weapons Manufacturer 25% cost reduction on Weapon Upgrades

Rewards[]


Newscast[]

Computer security experts breathed a sigh of relief today as word spread that super hacker Matt Miller has sworn off modern technology and left town. Former associates of Mr Miller has stated that he has always been fascinated by Neo-Luddism and decided it was time to make a change. Some experts in the field have speculated that recent cyberwarfare initiatives by STAG and the Saints lead to Matt Miller's change of heart, but both organizations were too busy celebrating to comment. This is Jane Valderamma with your Steelport Cyber News.
— Jane Valderamma

Text adventure[]

If you are logged-in, you can click here to play the game.
Unfortunately, Wikia Staff have decided that Anon readers do not deserve to access file pages.

After reaching the firewall during the first part of the mission, players are required to play through a short text adventure entitled Dragons and Tears: Part 1 of The Spiraling Darkness Trilogy. Incorrect answers often result in the player dying due to loose flagstones. The correct answers to progress are included in the Gameplay section. The following menus are displayed in order, with incorrect choices being displayed before correct choices. Playa's responses after each choice are listed here rather than in the transcript.

Play as a Google Form

Dragons and Tears Start
START

You awaken to find yourself on cold flagstone. As you stand up you notice that the small room is lit by two torches. To the north there is a door, to the south a hole in the wall.

What do you do?

TAKE A NAP

You awaken to find yourself on cold flagstone. As you stand up you notice that the small room is lit by two torches. To the north there is a door, to the south a hole in the wall.

What do you do?

Dragons and Tears Go Through The Hole
GO THROUGH THE HOLE

You're not big enough to go through the hole.

What would you like to do?

Playa - Female 1: "Then make that shit bigger."
Playa - Female 2: "That was pointless."
Playa - Female 3: "Then why even mention the hole?"
Playa - Male 1: "Then why mention the damn hole?"
Playa - Male 2: "That was stupid."
Playa - Male 3: "Then why even mention the bloody hole?"
Playa - Zombie: "Sneers"
— Text Adventure, "Go Through Hole"
Dragons and Tears Open The Door
OPEN THE DOOR

You cautiously open the door and start to walk forward when your foot catches a loose flagstone.

You fall and break your neck.

You are dead.

Thanks for playing Dragons and Tears: Part 1 of The Spiraling Darkness Trilogy

Playa - Female 1: "Ok, fuck doors..."
Playa - Female 2: "I was just getting started!"
Playa - Female 3: "Stupid door..."
Playa - Male 1: "Oh fuck you, door."
Playa - Male 2: "Already?"
Playa - Male 3: "You stupid door..."
Playa - Zombie: "Mumbles"
— Text Adventure, "Open Door""
Dragons and Tears Take A Torch
TAKE A TORCH

You lift the torch out of the wall sconce and open the door. Before you stretches a dark corridor that fades into inky, tenebrous, blackness. You walk for what feels like an eternity before you realize that your torch is beginning to burn out.

What do you do?

Dragons and Tears Search For Secret Doors
SEARCH FOR SECRET DOORS

There are no secret doors.

What would you like to do?

Playa - Female 1: "Big fucking surprise..."
Playa - Female 2: "Really?"
Playa - Female 3: "FUCK YOU SECRET DOOR."
Playa - Male 1: "Ughhhh..."
Playa - Male 2: "Ugh..."
Playa - Male 3: "No, go back, go back!"
Playa - Zombie: "Roars"
— Text Adventure, "Secret Door"
Dragons and Tears Run Back To Get The Other Torch
RUN BACK TO GET THE OTHER TORCH

You start to desperately run back to the main room when your foot catches a loose flagstone.

You fall and break your neck.

You are dead.

Thanks for playing Dragons and Tears: Part 1 of The Spiraling Darkness Trilogy

Playa - Female 1: "I'm fucking nimble, dammit!"
Playa - Female 2: "Someone has a sick since of humor."
Playa - Female 3: "COME ON!"
Playa - Male 1: "COME ON!"
Playa - Male 2: "I hate this thing..."
Playa - Male 3: "Now I'm really fucked off..."
Playa - Zombie: "Mumbles"
— Text Adventure, "Run Back"
Dragons and Tears Keep Walking with dying torch
KEEP WALKING

You press forward, praying to the 31 gods of Diaz that your torch won't go out. Fortunately, it doesn't. Ahead of you darkness gives way to light as a dull indigo glow illuminates the corridor up ahead. You hear the sound of a large rock grinding against stone.

What do you do?

Dragons and Tears Cast A Spell
CAST A SPELL

You do not know magic.

What would you like to do?

Playa - Female 1: "Anything else I don't know shit about?"
Playa - Female 2: "That's good to know."
Playa - Female 3: "SHUT UP, NERDS!"
Playa - Male 1: "I'm punching whoever wrote this."
Playa - Male 2: "Ok, my foot's goin' up in someone's ass."
Playa - Male 3: "I'm going to find the chav that wrote this and it won't end pretty..."
Playa - Zombie: "Groans"
— Text Adventure, "Cast Spell"
Dragons and Tears Draw Sword
DRAW SWORD

You sense that an evil most evil is coming down the corridor. As you wait a loose flagstone falls from the ceiling.

It lands on your head and breaks your neck.

You are dead.

Thanks for playing Dragons and Tears: Part 1 of The Spiraling Darkness Trilogy

Playa - Female 1: "Shitty craftsmanship."
Playa - Female 2: "And that is why I carry a gun."
Playa - Female 3: "Just another reason why guns are better."
Playa - Male 1: "Fix the fucking flagstones here!"
Playa - Male 2: "Why am I not surprised..."
Playa - Male 3: "That's it. I quit."
Playa - Zombie: "Gargles"
— Text Adventure, "Draw Sword"
Dragons and Tears Keep Walking toward glow
KEEP WALKING

As you walk towards the indigo glow, the corridor gives way to a larger cavern, and the source of the light becomes apparent...the room is lit by a massive luminescent lake. Lapping at the lake is a unicorn.

What do you do?

Dragons and Tears Look At The Unicorn
LOOK AT THE UNICORN

It looks like a unicorn.

What would you like to do?

Playa - Female 1: "Fuck. You."
Playa - Female 2: "*Sigh*"
Playa - Female 3: "*Sigh*"
Playa - Male 1: "*Sigh*"
Playa - Male 2: "Fuck you game."
Playa - Male 3: "Is there a lower difficulty?"
Playa - Zombie: "Grunts"
— Text Adventure, "Look At Unicorn"
Dragons and Tears Pet The Unicorn
PET THE UNICORN

You run your hand through the unicorn's mane. The unicorn softly whinnies and nuzzles your head in return. His horn pokes you in the eye and you recoil in pain. As you do so your foot catches a loose flagstone.

You fall and break your neck.

You are dead.

Thanks for playing Dragons and Tears: Part 1 of The Spiraling Darkness Trilogy

Playa - Female 1: "And my childhood has just been crushed..."
Playa - Female 2: "Ok, unicorn, you asked for it..."
Playa - Female 3: "Why? Why mister unicorn?"
Playa - Male 1: "Dick move, unicorn. Dick move."
Playa - Male 2: "See what I get for bein' nice?"
Playa - Male 3: "You stupid bloody creature..."
Playa - Zombie: "Snarls"
— Text Adventure, "Pet Unicorn"
Dragons and Tears Kill The Unicorn
KILL THE UNICORN

You win.

Thanks for playing Dragons and Tears: Part 1 of The Spiraling Darkness Trilogy

Playa - Female 1: "What did the writer have against unicorns?"
Playa - Female 2: "What? It's over already? I was having fun."
Playa - Female 3: "Wow... just... wow."
Playa - Male 1: "I kinda feel like an asshole now..."
Playa - Male 2: "They should put that shit on a trapper keeper."
Playa - Male 3: "*maniacal laughter*"
Playa - Zombie: "Grunts"
— Text Adventure, "Kill Unicorn"

Trivia[]

  • This mission was first revealed via a video preview by GameSpot, where they named it "Deckers Die"/"Deckers.Die".[8]
    • "Deckers.Die" is the name of a previously released trailer which showcases the Deckers and its leader Matt Miller.[9]
  • The name of the mission is a reference to website domain names.
  • The mission holds many allusions to popular culture:
    • In the opening cutscene of the mission, Kinzie explains, "You can survive a gunshot. But if your mind takes too much shock in this chair, you'll go brain-dead", a reference to the film The Matrix; injuries and death in the Matrix occur in real-life, as Morpheus states, "Your mind makes it real", and, "The body cannot live without the mind."
    • The virtual reality is built up of bright neon lights, referencing the franchise Tron. Specifically, the blue and red neon lights refer to Tron: Legacy.
    • It is also possible this mission is a reference to the matrix from William Gibson's dystopic Sprawl trilogy, as the Deckers may get their name from the use of a cyberspace deck used in the novels and the bright neon of the world fits the description of Gibson's matrix.
    • Playa's weapon, the Cyber Buster, is a parody of Mega Man's Mega Buster. It also looks similar to the arm cannon used by Samus Aran in the Metroid video game series.
    • The part of the mission where Playa must destroy enemy tanks is a clear reference to the 1974 Atari video game Tank.
    • Miller's dragon avatar is a mix of the 3 God Cards from the original Yu-Gi-Oh! anime series.
    • The text adventure is a reference to text-based adventure games, such as Zork.
  • In the beginning of the mission, Playa's avatar is originally a toilet and a blow-up doll; both of which are Temporary Weapons in the later mission "Murderbrawl XXXI". They are also unlocked as outfits after completing the game.
  • The text adventure refers to "31 gods of Diaz", a reference to the 31 Theory Easter egg.
  • During the text adventure, if in co-op the second player finishes before the first player, they are inside a small room with their co-op partner and a blow-up doll sitting on a toilet.[10]
  • During Kinzie and Playa's initial conversation inside the virtual reality, involving Playa's avatar being a toilet, the second line Male 2 voice has is I can't be takin' care of business if I'm made of porcelain! 'Taking care of business' is a double entendre, because it can mean 'going to the toilet', as well as him dealing with Miller.
  • In the anti-virus room, there is a gravestone, written on it is: "Here lies Johnny Gat / he died like a / little bitch / you are next / LOL ... DIE"
Deckers

The error screen.

  • In the error screen, the words "How Could You Let Johnny Die?" are shown.
  • Images of the structures from this mission are used in the Steelport Theme for the Xbox 360 on certain screens.[Reference needed]
  • When Miller disables the Cyber Buster during the final fight, it fires hot dogs.
  • The way in which Playa tears the wings from Miller's avatar is a possible reference to the 2010 video game Darksiders, also published by THQ, where War rips off Tiamat's wings.[11]
  • The Achievement/Trophy awarded for completing this mission, "kill-deckers.exe", has a string of binary on the end of the description after unlocking it, 01100010011011110110111101100010, which when decoded spells "boob".
  • In Saints Row IV, the mission Miller-Space, is largely based on this mission visually for it's Tron like appearance, the top down view Tank battle and the Word Quest activity present in both missions.
  • During the Tank battle, the objective is to "Seek and destroy enemy tanks", but there is only one tank to destroy.
  • All of Playa's voices say that NyteBlade is a "shitty vampire show", even though Female Voice 2, when left idle, sometimes says "Damn it. Forgot to DVR NyteBlade."
  • The song that plays during the boss fight with Matt is "A City in Florida" by deadmau5, which is played on K12 97.6.
  • In the opening cutscene of Stop all the Downloading, Oleg claims that the KGB destroyed the only NEMO chair in existence, and Kinzie reveals that The Deckers have one. Playa steals the chair because it is required in order to access the Decker Use-Net, but Matt Miller is able to access the Decker Use-Net even though he no longer has a NEMO chair.

Transcript[]

Prologue[]

Playa: "Pierce, you know if that chair thing is ready yet?"
Playa - Zombie: "Growls"
Phone Call: "I don't know, why ask me? Talk to Kinzie or Oleg."
Playa: "Cause you I can understand."
Playa - Zombie: "Grunts"
Phone Call: "Think they said they'd be done pretty soon. We could probably head over whenever."
Playa: "Alright, see you when I get there."
Playa - Zombie: "Grumbles"
— Pre-mission phone call

Cutscene #1[]

Pierce: "You ready to fuck things up in virtual reality?"
Playa: "It's safer than being shot at."
Kinzie: "You can survive a gunshot. But if your mind takes too much shock in this chair, you'll go brain dead."
Playa: "Great plan, Kinzie."
Kinzie: "I know. You ready?"
Playa: "Let's do it..."
— Opening cutscene

Gameplay[]

Kinzie: "Alright, you should be seeing a visual representation of the Decker Use-Net now."
Playa - Female 1: "What's with that toilet... OH MY GOD THAT'S ME!"
Playa - Female 2: "Kinzie... why am I a toliet?"
Playa - Female 3: "What I see... is... a toilet?"
Playa - Male 1: "You know what I see, Kinzie? I'm a fucking toilet, that's what."
Playa - Male 2: "A toilet? Really?"
Playa - Male 3: "What I see? Kinzie, all I see is that I'm a bloody commode!"
Playa - Zombie: "Groans"
Kinzie: "Oops, sorry about that. Let me load up another..."
Playa - Female 1: "So fucking not cool!"
Playa - Female 2: "You have a plan, yes?"
Playa - Female 3: "You're worrying me, kid."
Playa - Male 1: "I thought you knew what you were doing."
Playa - Male 2: "I can't be takin' care of business if I'm made of porcelin!"
Playa - Male 3: "I thought you knew what you were doing."
Playa - Zombie: "Grunts"
Kinzie: "I haven't finished your avatar yet. That one's just temporary."
Playa - Female 1: "Why would you even give me this?!"
Playa - Female 2: "I could use some arms, at least..."
Playa - Female 3: "You better hope so..."
Playa - Male 1: "I don't have arms."
Playa - Male 2: "Could I at least get some arms?"
Playa - Male 3: "I seem to have a distinct lack of arms."
Playa - Zombie: "Babbles"
Kinzie: "Just start moving through the data, I'll sort it out soon."
— "Mission Start"
Playa - Female 1: "Great, now I'm a walking sex joke!"
Playa - Female 2: "Kinzie, perhaps you and I should have a talk..."
Playa - Female 3: "Yeah. Great. This is MUCH better."
Playa - Male 1: "This isn't much better... You trying to tell me something, Kinzie?"
Playa - Male 2: "Kinzie, I do not want to know what goes on inside that fucked up head of yours."
Playa - Male 3: "Have you lost your mind?"
Playa - Zombie: "Growls"
Kinzie: "Quit complaining, ya big baby."
— "Second Avatar"
Playa - Female 1: "Whoa! This... this is better!"
Playa - Female 2: "This is good Kinzie."
Playa - Female 3: "THERE we go."
Playa - Male 1: "Now this I can work with."
Playa - Male 2: "Now we're talkin'! I can work with this."
Playa - Male 3: "There. That's better."
Playa - Zombie: "Growls"
Kinzie: "Good, cause Matt sniffed me out."
Matt: "This is my world to shape as I see fit, not yours."
— "Actual Avatar"
Kinzie: "Looks like Matt doesn't want you poking around here. You'll have to work your way through his defenses. Let's take out the firewall first."
Playa - Female 1: "Right... what is that exactly?"
Playa - Female 2: "You are the boss here, Kinzie. What is the firewall?"
Playa - Female 3: "Fire-what?"
Playa - Male 1: "Firewall? What is it and how will I find it?"
Playa - Male 2: "What."
Playa - Male 3: "Firewall? What is it and how will I find it?"
Playa - Zombie: "Snarls"
Kinzie: "It blocks us from accessing the Deckers' data. You'll know it when you see it."
— "Defenses"


Matt: "In my world, the rules can change."
Playa - Female 1: "Something's wrong, Kinzie..."
Playa - Female 2: "What is happening?"
Playa - Female 3: "What's he doing?"
Playa - Male 1: "What the hell's going on?"
Playa - Male 2: "What the fuck is going on?"
Playa - Male 3: "What the hell's going on?"
Playa - Zombie: "Grunts"
Kinzie: "He's altering the rules of reality there. You'll just have to deal."
— "Cheat 1"
Playa - Female 1: "I'm here... and I don't think I'm alone."
Playa - Female 2: "I think this must be the fire... Kinzie! What happened?"
Playa - Female 3: "Got it, I'll start... what the hell's going on?"
Playa - Male 1: "Alright, at the firewall... what the hell's going on?"
Playa - Male 2: "That must be the... what the hell!?"
Playa - Male 3: "Alright, at the... what the hell's going on?"
Playa - Zombie: "Babbles"
Kinzie: "They're trapping you at the firewall. Hold off whatever Miller sends and I'll get you through."
— "Attack Firewall"
Kinzie: "Oooo I love these..."
Playa - Female 1: "I'm happy for you, now how do I get past?"
Playa - Female 2: "It has been years since I did one of these! Any help, Kinzie?"
Playa - Female 3: "Reading is for pussies. How do I get out?"
Playa - Male 1: "I gotta read this shit? Come on Kinzie, how do I get out?"
Playa - Male 2: "I ain't got time for this! How do I get through this shit?"
Playa - Male 3: "Reading? Is this some kinda joke? Come on Kinzie, how do I get out?"
Playa - Zombie: "Grunts"
Kinzie: "And ruin it for you? No way, you gotta figure this out on your own."
Playa - Female 1: "Seriously, spoilers are fine by me."
Playa - Female 2: "If you say so..."
Playa - Female 3: "Fabulous."
Playa - Male 1: "Thanks Kinzie."
Playa - Male 2: "Thanks a lot, Kinzie."
Playa - Male 3: "Thanks Kinzie."
Playa - Zombie: "Snarls"
— "Text adventure"
Matt: "I'm not going to be beaten by some noob you dragged into my world, Kensington."
Kinzie: "OK, we're back in business: now take out Matt's anti-virus next."
— "Firewall Destroyed"
Playa - Female 1: "You said you had this, Kinzie!"
Playa - Female 2: "Kinzie, why am I a toilet again?"
Playa - Female 3: "Kinzie, what did I say about the toilet?"
Playa - Male 1: "Kinzie, why am I a toilet again?"
Playa - Male 2: "Kinzie... we talked about this..."
Playa - Male 3: "Kinzie, I thought we talked about this?"
Playa - Zombie: "Groans"
Kinzie: "But I didn't..."
Matt: "I think this is more fitting. Wouldn't you agree?"
Kinzie: "Give me some time, I'll fix it."
Playa - Female 1: "Hey, I'm still packing my cannon!"
Playa - Female 2: "No hurry. He left me my weapon, so I'm good."
Playa - Female 3: "Go ahead, take as long as you want."
Playa - Male 1: "Hey, I still have my canon..."
Playa - Male 2: "Heh. He left me with my cannon. I'm good."
Playa - Male 3: "Hey, I still have my canon..."
Playa - Zombie: "Mumbles"
— "Toilet Again"
Playa - Female 1: "Did Pierce pull out the cord or something?"
Playa - Female 2: "Are we having connection issues?"
Playa - Female 3: "The connection doesn't seem right..."
Playa - Male 1: "Something wrong with the connection?"
Playa - Male 2: "Something wrong with the connection?"
Playa - Male 3: "Bad connection?"
Playa - Zombie: "Moans"
Kinzie: "He's bombarding us with data. I'll try blocking it."
— "Cheat 2"
Is this the best you can do, Agent Kensington? BEGONE!
— Matt, "Banish to"

Kinzie: "Ok, the anti-virus is almost taken care of. You'll need to destroy the last bit of code."
Playa - Female 1: "A toilet, a sex doll, and now a tank..."
Playa - Female 2: "What is... Am I in a tank?"
Playa - Female 3: "A tank?"
Playa - Male 1: "Kinzie... why am I in a tank."
Playa - Male 2: "Why am I a tank?"
Playa - Male 3: "Kinzie... why am I in a tank."
Playa - Zombie: "Moans"
Kinzie: "Just go with it."
— "Tank"
Playa - Female 1: "Oh come on!"
Playa - Female 2: "Matt is playing games again, yes?"
Playa - Female 3: "Kinzie..."
Playa - Male 1: "Kinzie..."
Playa - Male 2: "Matt again?"
Playa - Male 3: "Kinzie..."
Playa - Zombie: "Babbles"
Kinzie: "I see it, I see it..."
Matt: "Pathetic..."
Playa - Female 1: "In your dreams, kid."
Playa - Female 2: "Hurry up Kinzie. I am not liking the idea of being Matt Miller's doll..."
Playa - Female 3: "I'm gonna destroy that little prick."
Playa - Male 1: "I'm gonna enjoy kicking that kid's ass..."
Playa - Male 2: "I'm gonna kill that little shit..."
Playa - Male 3: "I'm gonna enjoy kicking that kid's ass..."
Playa - Zombie: "Gargles"
— "Doll Again"


Playa - Female 1: "Coming up on the last wall."
Playa - Female 2: "I can see another wall now."
Playa - Female 3: "I see another wall!"
Playa - Male 1: "I see one more wall ahead."
Playa - Male 2: "Got another of those walls ahead."
Playa - Male 3: "I see one more wall ahead."
Playa - Zombie: "Babbles"
Kinzie: "It's his Internet Security Protocols. They're blocking access into the main..."
Playa - Female 1: "Don't need to know..."
Playa - Female 2: "Then we'll have to take them down."
Playa - Female 3: "Blah blah blah nerd talk blah blah blah."
Playa - Male 1: "Yeah, whatever you say."
Playa - Male 2: "If you say so."
Playa - Male 3: "Yeah, whatever you say."
Playa - Zombie: "Garbled"
— "See Last Wall"
Playa - Female 1: "Give up, little boy!"
Playa - Female 2: "How am I doing Kinzie?"
Playa - Female 3: "He's a determined little shit."
Playa - Male 1: "Miller doesn't know when to quit."
Playa - Male 2: "Doesn't that kid know when he's beat?"
Playa - Male 3: "Miller doesn't know when to quit."
Playa - Zombie: "Groans"
— "Attack Security"
Take this out and we can go for Matt himself.
— Kinzie, "Attack"

Matt: "You like the place? It's modeled after the Nyte Blayde season 3 episode "Rise of the Cyprian Order". Here is where The Cardinal lays his plan for a bett-"
Playa: "Wait. You modeled this shit off of Nyte Blade."
Playa - Zombie: "Roars"
Matt: "It's an alegory for man's inhumanity to man."
Playa - Female 1: "It's a shitty vampire show."
Playa - Female 2: "It's a shitty vampire show."
Playa - Female 3: "It's a shitty vampire show."
Playa - Male 1: "No, it's a shitty vampire show."
Playa - Male 2: "It's a shitty vampire show."
Playa - Male 3: "It's a shitty vampire show."
Playa - Zombie: "Roars"
Matt: "I don't expect a chuckle-fuck like you to appreciate good writing."
— "Matt Player Convo"
Matt: "Laughs"
Kinzie: "Ok... don't panic... we can work this out... probably"
Playa - Female 1: "You ever been good at lying under pressure?"
Playa - Female 2: "I know you can clear this. You are just trying to make worry, yes?"
Playa - Female 3: "Confidence isn't your strong suit, is it?"
Playa - Male 1: "You're not good at comforting people are you..."
Playa - Male 2: "Probably? You aren't sure?"
Playa - Male 3: "Do we need to work on your comforting skills."
Playa - Zombie: "Moans"
Kinzie: "No."
— "Error Message"
WHY AREN'T YOU DYING!
— Matt, "Destroy"


Kinzie: "He's scared... go to the Cathedral and finish him off!"
Playa - Female 1: "And those giant tubes are just happy fun slides, right?"
Playa - Female 2: "The Cathedral... the place with all the pipes? I think this looks like a trap..."
Playa - Female 3: "You mean where those giant tubes are feeding into? The place that looks like a trap?"
Playa - Male 1: "You mean where those giant tubes are feeding into? That can't be a trap or anything."
Playa - Male 2: "The Cathredral. You mean that place with the tubes that is screaming "I'm a fucking trap!"?"
Playa - Male 3: "You mean where those giant tubes are headed? That can't be a trap or anything."
Playa - Zombie: "Gargles"
Kinzie: "Must be his direct feed into the world, where all his information flows through... yeah that's definitely a trap."
Playa - Female 1: "Sometimes at least try lying."
Playa - Female 2: "Interesting. Well, it would not be polite to make him wait."
Playa - Female 3: "*Sigh*"
Playa - Male 1: "Again with the comforting skills..."
Playa - Male 2: "Alright. Let's go get him."
Playa - Male 3: "Again with the comforting skills..."
Playa - Zombie: "Babbles"
— "Destroy Security"

Cutscene #2[]

Matt laughs
Playa: "Easy to laugh when you're hiding like a pussy. Come on out!"
Matt: "Gladly."
Playa: "What the fuck..."
Matt: "Don't you get it? I'm God here."
Playa: "That's just fine. In the real world you're just a bitch with a keyboard."
— Cutscene #2

Gameplay[]

Matt: "We're not in the real world now. Here, you cannot beat me."
Playa - Female 1: "Real world, this world; it's all the same for kicking your ass."
Playa - Female 2: "You are going to talk me to death, yes?"
Playa - Female 3: "Seriously kid, do you hear yourself?"
Playa - Male 1: "We'll see about that."
Playa - Male 2: "You sure about that?"
Playa - Male 3: "We'll see about that."
Playa - Zombie: "Babbles"
— "Boss Battle Begins"
Alright just... don't die until I figure out how to copy his avatar.
— Kinzie, "Boss"

Matt: "You expect to defeat me with that thing?"
Kinzie: "Hold on, he depowered your weapon... I'm fixing it now."
Matt: "Without power you may as well give up."
Matt: "Don't blame your weapon for your own weakness."
— "Weak Weapon Cheat"
Matt: "How do you expect to hurt me now!"
Matt: "Hope you're not vegetarian! (laughs)"
Matt: "Even Kinzie's weapons are useless in my domain!"
— "Hotdog"
Playa - Female 1: "Bring it!"
Playa - Female 2: "It won't work, Matt!"
Playa - Female 3: "Oh shit!"
Playa - Male 1: "Oh shit!"
Playa - Male 2: "Ah, fuck."
Playa - Male 3: "Oh shit!"
Playa - Zombie: "Sneers"
Matt: "I'll kill you one way or another!"
— "Charge 1"
Matt: "What are you doing? Get down!"
Matt: "Stop that! Come down here!"
Matt: "Coward! You can't win!"
— "Matt Reaction to Wing Rip"
Matt: "Look at you trying to move... amusing."
Kinzie: "Start those dodges early while you're slowed."
Matt: "I thought you'd be faster than this."
Matt: "Running will get you nowhere."
— "Slow Cheat"
Matt: "Stop fighting the inevitable!"
Playa - Female 1: "That the cheesiest line you have?"
Playa - Female 2: "Poor boy. You still think you have a chance."
Playa - Male 1: "Hope you have your gravestone picked out."
Playa - Male 2: "Shut up, kid!"
Playa - Zombie: "Grumbles"
— "Charge 3"
Matt: "Afraid to face me?"
Matt: "Get off me and fight!"
Matt: "Hiding back there like a child!"
— "Matt Reaction to Head Shot"
Matt: "Having trouble with your connection?"
Kinzie: "Careful, the lag spike will bounce you around."
Matt: "Welcome to lag hell."
Matt: "They say lag kills."
— "Lag Cheat"
Kinzie: "GOT IT!"
Matt: "What?! That's IMPOSSIBLE! Guards!"
— "Bahamut"
Playa - Female 1: "Oh yeah! Look at me now!"
Playa - Female 2: "Most impressive, Kinzie. I like the looks of this one."
Playa - Female 3: "This is amazing!"
Playa - Male 1: "This is so COOL!"
Playa - Male 2: "Good work Kinzie."
Playa - Male 3: "This is absolutely mental!"
Playa - Zombie: "Grunts"
Kinzie: "Looking at that avatar's programming you should have four main abilities. The sword can be used to slash at things close by, or it can create a giant shockwave. And as a dragon, you have medium ranged fire breath and a quick dash to evade hits."
Playa - Female 1: "Kinzie, I could kiss you right now."
Playa - Female 2: "Slash, burn, flip and dash, eh? I think I can handle this..."
Playa - Female 3: "Let's test this."
Playa - Male 1: "Let's test this."
Playa - Male 2: "I gotta try this out."
Playa - Male 3: "Let's test this."
Playa - Zombie: "Mumbles"
— "Ability Explanation"
Matt: "I don't know how you managed it, Agent Kensington, but it doesn't matter. I am God in my domain!"
Playa - Female 1: "Here comes the brat again..."
Playa - Female 2: "He is back. Anything else I need to know?"
Playa - Female 3: "This is why my kids are never playing videogames."
Playa - Male 1: "Fuck me, he's back!"
Playa - Male 2: "He's back. Show time."
Playa - Male 3: "Fuck me, he's back!"
Playa - Zombie: "Roars"
Kinzie: "You're on even ground now, should be a piece of cake."
Playa - Female 1: "Glad you think so."
Playa - Female 2: "Kinzie, you know I don't understand your computer talk..."
Playa - Female 3: "Thanks for the reassurance."
Playa - Male 1: "That's a real help, Kinzie."
Playa - Male 2: "You got that right. I owe this asshole a beating."
Playa - Male 3: "Easy for you to say."
Playa - Zombie: "Grumbles"
— "Matt Returns"
There's no room for you in my world. Time to die!
— Matt, "Final QTE"

Cutscene #3[]

Playa: "Bye, Matt."
Matt: "Wait!"
Matt: "I can clear your name, prove that you didn't destroy that bridge."
Playa: "I'm sure Kinzie can figure it out."
Matt: "I literally have the world at my fingertips."
Playa: "Little vague Matt, gotta do better."
Matt: "You tell me the name of a company and it becomes the property of the Saints. You get your empire back and I get to walk away."
Playa: "Kid, now we're talking..."
— cutscene #3

Gameplay[]

Playa - Female 1: "Ok, what's with the doors?"
Playa - Female 2: "Is this another of your games, Matt?"
Playa - Female 3: "What are these?"
Playa - Male 1: "What are these?"
Playa - Male 2: "What is this?"
Playa - Male 3: "What are these?"
Playa - Zombie: "Moans"
Matt: "They're backdoors into company records. One door leads to a weapons manufacturer, giving you discounts on weapon upgrades."
Playa - Female 1: "Right, and this one?"
Playa - Female 2: "Interesting. And the other one?"
Playa - Female 3: "And the other?"
Playa - Male 1: "And the other?"
Playa - Male 2: "Alright. And the other?"
Playa - Male 3: "And the other?"
Playa - Zombie: "Gargles"
Matt: "An automotive parts distribution house. They'll discount work done on your cars. Pick one and I'll get you set up as a high-priority client, I swear!"
— "Reward Choice"

Cutscene #4[]

Killbane: "I really wish you'd reconsider, Matty. These hands of mine were meant to rend bone, not hunt and peck on a keyboard."
Matt: "Well, if typing's the issue, I can recommend some good voice recognition software--"
Killbane: "You stuck with me when I rose from Phillipe's ashes like a phoenix. You and me - we've bonded."
Matt: "That's lovely, but I feel it's time for me to move on. To be honest, I'm a little scared of...well...dying."
Killbane: "I do run a demanding workplace. Matty, I appreciate how you've shared your concerns. I mean, the way Viola and Kiki handled their...departures just made me want to kill someone, ya know?"
Matt: "Absolutely. Well, I've a flight to catch, so--"
Killbane: "Matty."
Matt: "Oh God!"
Killbane: "Feel free to list me as a reference, anytime."
— "cutscene Out"

Unsorted[]

Playa - Female 1: "Come on, pussy!"
Playa - Female 2: "You like to dance, no?"
Playa - Female 3: "Not again!"
Playa - Male 1: "Not again!"
Playa - Male 2: "Not gonna work."
Playa - Male 3: "Not again!"
Playa - Zombie: "Babbles"
Matt: "You can't escape me forever!"
— "Charge 2"
Playa - Female 1: "That how you have to win, Miller?"
Playa - Female 2: "Let me guess. The little boy is playing again, yes?"
Playa - Female 3: "Fucking stop it!"
Playa - Male 1: "Quit fucking doing that!"
Playa - Male 2: "Come on!"
Playa - Male 3: "Knock it off!"
Playa - Zombie: "Moans"
Matt: "Give up, you're not strong enough."
— "Cheat 3"
It looks like I underestimated you... hope you know how to read.
— Matt, "Destroy Outer"

Matt: "Admit failure and bow before your cyber god!"
Matt: "Here you will learn your place, Saint."
Matt: "How can you ever compete in my world."
Matt: "Kensington cannot help you here. She isn't the one risking death."
Matt: "WELCOME TO DIE!"
Matt: "What makes you think you can defeat me?"
Matt: "You cannot defeat what you do not understand."
Matt: "You're nothing more than a virus for me to kill."
— "General"
Playa - Female 1: "This a cemetery? What's with the gravestones?"
Playa - Female 2: "This is a strange looking place. Why all the gravestones?"
Playa - Female 3: "There's gravestones all over the place..."
Playa - Male 1: "What's with all these gravestones?"
Playa - Male 2: "What's up with these gravestones?"
Playa - Male 3: "What's with all the gravestones?"
Playa - Zombie: "Moans"
Kinzie: "Gravestones? Maybe they're..."
Matt: "Do you really think you're the first to try destroying me? Those are all the people who've come before you... and failed."
Playa - Female 1: "You are such a fucking nerd."
Playa - Female 2: "Interesting idea. Maybe I should set up my own graveyard..."
Playa - Female 3: "Subtle."
Playa - Male 1: "Shit..."
Playa - Male 2: "God I wanna punch him..."
Playa - Male 3: "Bollocks."
Playa - Zombie: "Growls"
— "Graves 1"
Playa - Female 1: "Can't I destroy these damn gravestones?"
Playa - Female 2: "More gravestones? You need the number for a good decorator."
Playa - Female 3: "What's with the gravestones again?"
Playa - Male 1: "Enough with the gravestones already, Miller."
Playa - Male 2: "You're really into the tombstones, aren't ya Miller?"
Playa - Male 3: "Enough with the gravestones already, Miller."
Playa - Zombie: "Groans"
Matt: "Does seeing all who have fallen before you frighten you? It should."
Playa - Female 1: "Sure, kid. Keeping telling yourself that."
Playa - Female 2: "I think your gravestones are fake. You have never killed anyone, have you?"
Playa - Female 3: "Riiiiiight."
Playa - Male 1: "Kid, you are such a douchebag..."
Playa - Male 2: "Kid nothin' in your little playground is frightenin' me."
Playa - Male 3: "I'll give you something to be frightened of you little prick..."
Playa - Zombie: "Babbles"
— "Graves 2"
MattYou can't win when you don't know which way is up.: "KinzieYour controls are backwards. Careful where you're going."
Matt: "Find your way around now."
Matt: "Go left. Now right. Pathetic..."
— "Inverted Cheat"
Matt: "This is your true self; small and insignificant."
Kinzie: "Don't worry, he's not bigger... you're just smaller."
Matt: "I will crush you like an ant."
Matt: "Now the world will look down on you."
— "Shrink Cheat"
Playa - Female 1: "I said nap..."
Playa - Female 2: "Is it bugged?"
Playa - Female 3: "I could've sworn I hit the button...."
Playa - Male 1: "I hit the goddamn button..."
Playa - Male 2: "Is the damn thing broken?"
Playa - Male 3: "That's cheating! I hit the damned button!"
Playa - Zombie: "Babbles"
Playa - Female 1: "Wow... hilarious..."
Playa - Female 2: "Why is... ahhh... tricky..."
Playa - Female 3: "Ugh, not again."
Playa - Male 1: "Ohhh... fuck you.."
Playa - Male 2: "Really?"
Playa - Male 3: "Absolutely mental..."
Playa - Zombie: "Gargles"
— "TA "Nap Fail"

Gallery[]

Deckers

Kinzie Kensington and Pierce watch as Playa readies to attack the Deckers' Use-Net from the NEMO Chair

Deckers Die Kinzie Kensington

Kinzie Kensington watches over Playa using the supercomputer stolen in "Learning Computer"

Deckers

The Decker Use-Net, modeled after Nyte Blayde according to Matt Miller

Deckers

Playa's avatar (left) and Matt Miller's avatar (right)

Deckers

Playa, after defeating Matt Miller

Deckers Die Matt Miller

Matt Miller pleads Playa for his life

Deckers

A terrified Matt Miller informs Killbane of his choice to leave The Syndicate

Deckers

Matt Miller walks away after Killbane allows him to leave

Deckers

Johnny Gat's virtual headstone

Ui hud icon cheat slow

Slow icon, resembling a snail

Ui hud icon cheat lag

Lag icon, resembling an hourglass

Ui hud icon cheat swap

Reversed controls icon

Ui hud icon cheat gimpy

Weapon blocked icon, resembling a water pistol

Ui hud icon cheat shrink

Shrink icon (unused)

Deckers

End of mission choice icon

Deckers

End of mission choice icon

Ui save 16 deckers

UI image used when saving immmediately after this mission

Deckers Die

Deckers Die

Deckers Die ASP

This section of gameplay, where players control an ASP, is a reference to Atari's 1974 video game Tank

Deckers Die dragon avatar

Playa attacks the Deckers using the same avatar as Matt Miller

Deckers

View from the second player, if they finish the text adventure before the first player, revealing a blow-up doll sitting on a toilet in a reflective room

Deckers

Behemoth

Deckers

Avatar crouching

Deckers

Ready to fuck things up quote

Deckers

Survive text adventure

Deckers

Sword lock

Deckers

Toilet quote

Deckers

Avatar face

Deckers

Choice

Cyber Avatar - character model in Saints Row The Third

Cyber Avatar - character model in Saints Row: The Third

Cyber Avatar - character model in Saints Row IV

Cyber Avatar - character model in Saints Row IV

Deckers cyberblader - character model in Saints Row The Third

Deckers cyberblader - character model in Saints Row: The Third

Deckers cyber - character model in Saints Row The Third

Deckers cyber - character model in Saints Row: The Third

Cyber decker - character model in Saints Row IV

Cyber decker - character model in Saints Row IV

Saints Avatar - bahamut nowings - character model in Saints Row The Third

Saints Avatar - bahamut nowings - character model in Saints Row: The Third

Matt Miller Avatar - bahamut - character model in Saints Row The Third

Matt Miller Avatar - bahamut - character model in Saints Row: The Third


References[]


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